Go Mom Yourself!

Mother’s Day, like many holidays, can bring joy and celebration, anger and conflict, grief and sadness. Growing up, I was fortunate to have a mother who taught me, brought me up and really “got” me.

She was a guiding force in my life and may be the reason I love supporting others (or have such fabulous style!), but I recognize not everyone had the same experience, and for many, this holiday can bring mixed feelings.

Whatever your history might be, the ‘forces’ of our early life are still the first teachers, the bringer-uppers, and the ones who either understood (or didn’t) our uniqueness and gifts.

Whether experiences with maternal figures were positive or negative, there's a wealth of learning in those memories. We've learned what to do and, and possibly more importantly, what NOT to do. We've gained valuable lessons (sometimes the same ones over and over) that can ultimately and positively shape our relationships and who we become.

[Look at you, reading this, you’ve become an adult! Which means you’re a survivor however you may feel.]

Have you ever had an experience with a friend who said something about the world or themselves and you thought “where did they get THAT idea?” Many thoughts and patterns are actually early training that we internalized. Usually, they were borrowed from people who were supposed to know better than us as little ones – and some of them are right/work while others might be erroneous/don’t work for us now.

Fortunately, we know now that adults don’t have all the answers (unless you do, then I’ve got questions!) and with having the greatest amount of experience, information and insight that we’ve had so far (right now), we may be able to summon some compassion for the limitations of others.

As a result of the information and misinformation from our pasts, we’ve developed or armed ourselves with skills that may have supported our ability to cope over time. So, you haven’t mastered something yet? A friend of mine calls life “earth school”, so there’s still some learning to do for all of us as long as we’re here.

Maybe take a moment to celebrate all you know and how you have the power to choose your teachers now.

Bringing someone up may also mean imparting the skills they need to thrive. And I was lucky to have someone truly bringing me UP, as many people have others bringing them down. We all know adults who could use a little extra help in that department—it's not a flaw, just an area for growth – whether it’s skills-wise or support-wise.

But even before you start to think about helping someone you believe needs it, think of this day as an opportunity to apply those nurturing skills to yourself. Support yourself as you would a loved one (or would have wanted to be supported).

Remember the oxygen mask analogy? We need to take care of our own needs first to be there for others more fully.

Like the messages and lessons you may or may not have learned in the past, maybe it’s a good time to figure out where you need some skills or support to get where you want or need to go.

My mom was a very different person from me. Yet I felt seen, heard and understood in spite of our differences. This is not always the case, as I’ve experienced the frustration or separation from misunderstandings elsewhere.

Just remember that nature loves diversity (even though society loves conformity). Being different allows for more facets to life, for more shine in our diamonds.

Sometimes we need to start small again - to take this time to understand and cater to your own needs and differences.

This self-awareness can be invaluable and, once you understand your own uniqueness, aids in fostering better relationships with others. It also paves the way for a deeper sense of compassion and acceptance, not just within ourselves but towards others as well.

Maybe it’s a good time to celebrate your own perspectives and gifts.

Whether Mother’s Day is a celebration or a challenge for you, maybe this is a good time for you to celebrate the lessons you’ve learned, the skills you’ve earned, and the pages you’ve turned.

If I can support you, please let me know. If you have thoughts or comments, I’d love to hear them.

Warm regards,
Jennifer

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending” C S Lewis

Quick Stat and Thought: 64% of US adults reported at least one type of ACE (adverse childhood experience) before 18, something that is connected with physical, mental, emotional and relationship challenges in adulthood. That means that there’s a fair chance that the next time you meet someone you’re talking to a person who has overcome something or is still challenged by the past (which may be affecting your interaction right now). We’re all doing the best we can with the resources we’ve go (or haven’t got) – remembering that may change the way you deal with someone today.