25/8 Culture & the Endless, Undone To-Do List

Hello mover and shaker,

One of the ways I like to support people is to bring “real life” into the picture and give examples of how the mind works, and how we can support ourselves in the day to day. So this week I’m sharing a little more about myself.

This is a weekly email – but it was not sent out last week.

In a pass or fail situation, this absence of email would indicate a fail. While I apologize for the gap (I’m sure you didn’t have any other emails in your inbox last Wednesday, did you?), looking at the situation I was dealing with last week, it would have been inappropriate to have written and sent it. But why would I say inappropriate?

Considering and writing on subjects that may be helpful to others takes time which wasn’t possible last week; unless I slept less (which I really need for basic functioning) or added to my already overflowing list (which would have short-shifted this and many other things).

Should I have planned further in advance? Probably.
Should I have sent a quick hello to be more consistent with you? Maybe
Should I have just put my head down, skipped some sleep, and let something else slide? Hmmm…

A single papercut probably won’t allow you to bleed to death, but a thousand? Every time we undermine our physical, mental or emotional health, we may be reducing our ability to bounce back when we need to. And the toll it takes can have us looking at ourselves in less supportive ways.

But WHY is everyone ELSE able to keep up this 24/7 lifestyle? It certainly seems like it on social!

Our ability to delve into the mind, body and soul of others, especially through social media channels is limited. Many people understand (consciously) that certain feeds are “curated”, but that deeper feeling mind (the subconscious) may still feel like it’s necessary to do more to be as good as others online. Yet mental health statistics indicate that our version of others in their “perfect” worlds is misinformed – there are a lot of people who are struggling IRL.

It reminds me of a story. There was a very tall mountain, and climbers walked up its slopes for the view. Along the path, however, there were other hikers who were paralyzed in fear by the height and couldn’t go on. Some of the hikers managed to get all the way up to the top and enjoyed the view. So, what was the moral of the story?

You might have said “keep going to achieve the ultimate goal of the peak”, but maybe the moral is that the people at the top weren’t afraid of heights. And they might find their fear or their obstacles at another time or place. Maybe others can do it all, but they might also be dropping the ball on something that you would find more meaningful or important.

I’ve heard a lot of clients and friends say, “suck it up, buttercup” as they sideline their struggles. And it may sometimes seem necessary for us to continue in the Olympian pursuit of “faster, higher, stronger” in everything including work and even play.

Might I suggest a more loving phrase, “settle, petal” instead.

Giving yourself the compassion to remember all the wonderful things about you, even if they aren’t being highlighted right now.

Giving you the space to be great at something that is individual to you and your strengths and interests (even if it isn’t TikTok worthy).

Giving you time to explore and develop. Just because we aim, doesn’t mean that we’ll hit the bullseye every time – especially not at first. With practice we can improve, when we accept that learning, improving, and living is a process, not a one-time pass/fail. And maybe in the meantime, our greatest progress may stem from us developing our own internal cheering squad (putting the mean inner hyper-critics out of business).

I learned that I needed to start earlier (or have backup emails), so when a crisis hits, I can more regularly continue this conversation with you.

However, I’m giving myself grace not only because it supports my mental wellbeing, but it might act as a witness or role model for you - to remind you to give yourself credit for all you do, acknowledging your absolute “perfection” with all your unique strengths, weaknesses, triumphs and mistakes.

In the work I do with my fabulous clients and students, I see them all as perfectly human, with no moral judgements on the challenges or ordeals they are experiencing. All I know is that if something isn’t working any more, using the subconscious mind can often help.

Here with you in humanity,
Jennifer

PS Schedule a quick chat with me if you want to (re)work on something for YOU! (you’re great just the way you are right now, too)

"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." —Lily Tomlin

Quick Stat and Thought: In Deloitte’s workplace well-being survey, 77% of respondents expressed that they had experienced burnout at some point in their current job. Burnout is associated with poorer health, more sick days, tension in relationships at work and home, higher fast-food and alcohol consumption… This stat doesn’t appear to be personal failing, but a seemingly unsustainable lifestyle expectation. What can you do today to avoid being a number in the statistics? How can I help?