Are you sitting comfortably?

That’s where we may begin…

Many people think that feeling comfortable is the end game for change. And in some ways it is. At the same time, comfort can indicate that there may be something that needs a bit of a shift.

What? Are you now vilifying my comfortable couch, my comfortable sweats or even the comfort I feel with a good glass of wine?

Not at all.

The subconscious mind is a pattern making mind. One of its goals is to automate things, so we don’t need to think about them. This can be very handy in a lot of situations.

At the same time, the subconscious mind is protective and imaginative. With those two superpowers, we can get into an automatic habit that might have been useful for us at a certain time, but is no longer helpful in our lives right now.

Take for example, a little person who has a caregiver or adult who criticizes them – about their appearance, their skills, their emotions or their inner being. It hurts. It’s like arrows being shot into the heart.

Most people don’t revel in that kind of pain, so that little person might construct an internal dialogue that puts themself down. In comparison to an unwanted attack from the outside, the little putdown on the inside might not seem so bad and creates a counterforce.

Something like, “haha, you’re too late, you can’t hurt me, I already said it to myself”.
But imagine that habit being reinforced over years and decades.

That internal dialogue gets more ingrained, meaner. When something goes wrong - “how could you mess up so badly, you’re such a…” When a compliment is given – “if you only knew, really I’m…” When a new challenge or opportunity is presented – “no, I could never because I’m so bad at…”

Sometimes a comfortable couch is just a couch. Sometimes it’s a creative or protective habit. Is it easier to chill than get into the complexities of human relationships? Or moving your body in way that may be both embarrassing at first, but supportive over time?

If the comfy sweats are what you wear on a “fat” or “lazy” day, are they surrounding you with comfort or reminding you of an uncomfortable (mis)perception of yourself?

[Full disclosure: Years ago, I had an outfit I put on when I was feeling unhappy. It was really comfy but didn’t actually make me happier. In fact, when I saw it in the closet, I said “oh, there’s my unhappy outfit”. Who wants THAT in a closet?! Once I donated it, I didn’t have the unhappy reinforcement within my wardrobe, so that connection was severed and the pattern had to change.]

Is the comfort of wine blurring the hard edges of life in a way that helps or may not? We can start looking at a lot of our habits through this new lens…

Just as we often (unknowingly) believe the internal voice that is talking to us (often unkindly), sometimes our habits no longer work in the context of where we are or want to go.

And while the familiarity may be soothing in some ways, if we take a little time to reverse engineer a few patterns, we may realize that our comfort is anything but.
It’s not for me to judge what’s right or comfortable – I’m just here to help you do, feel and be the best for YOU.

If what you may have thought was comfort, is actually a familiar pattern that is stopping you or blocking you from living the kind of life you’d like now, then the subconscious mind is the fastest way for you to change… back to your amazing, wonderful, valuable, loveable you.

I take comfort in that,
Jennifer

PS - let me know if you need some one-to-one support - it's what I love to do!